CHAPTER 16: REMEMBERING

BEN

“Well Michael I’m waiting for an answer!”  I growl as he looks like a deer in headlights.

“What the hell is all the yelling about?”  Hunter demands coming into the lounge.

“I’m not answering such a ridiculous question at this hour!”  Michael snaps and storms out of the room.

“You just did.”  I sigh sadly and sit down.  Hunter sits next to me and pulls me into a hug before kissing my cheek.

“Dad are you okay?”

“No.”  I sigh again.  “But at least I know where I stand- well where we stand- which seems to be nowhere.”

“Look maybe things won’t be so bad in the morn…later when you’ve had chance to sleep on it.  Come on go to bed.”

Nodding, I follow my son upstairs and when I get to the bedroom Michael is there but glowering at me.

“You should…”

“Not now Michael, or we will both say things we can’t take back.”

BRITIN – SUNDAY AFTERNOON

MASTER BEDROOM

BRIAN

Not only does he give off serious heat, he’s like a vine. Both our legs are entwined and he has one arm clamped across my chest, which would be fine except his knee is pressing against my cock and he’s twitching in his sleep like a dog chasing a squirrel.  

Each nudge is making my eyes roll.  Nope can’t take it anymore.

“Justin.  Wake up.”

I rock him, which only makes him snuggle closer and again my eyes roll.  “Justin!”  I shove him a bit harder.

Finally, he starts to loosen his grip and then flops onto his back, I take some calming breaths and look at him.  He’s naked as the day he was born and is sporting a very nice looking morn…afternoon woody. I’m in my boxers as I’m still not quite confident enough for him to see me completely naked.

Dancing with him last night was great and I didn’t want to go to the backroom once.  I want to have…make love to him next. I just hope he can be patient.

I get up and go the bathroom to have a shower. Though we’ve showered together, he’s always left me to do myself down there alone.

I sigh as I remember what I used to look like. I’ve not even looked at my cock and balls since I was given the all clear. I know what to do with them, so don’t need to see them to fuck and when it comes to getting my cock sucked I make sure my ball…ball as I don’t count the other one…is tucked in my pants still.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t hear him come in until it was too late.  We both look at each other like frightened rabbits.

“I’m sorry I thought you would be in the shower by now.”  He stammers.

“I thought you would still be asleep.”  I blush and try to reach my boxers with my toes.

“I’m not looking but I really do need to piss.”

“Give me a min-minute.”  I stammer and quickly get into the shower and cringe against the wall.

“Thanks, um I’m just going to brush my teeth and then make some coffee. Is that okay?”

“Yeah that’s fine.”  I call back and hope he goes quickly. I almost cry with relief when I hear the door close.

LINDSAY AND MEL’S

MEL

I’ve been thinking about the weekend and having overheard the conversation between Lindsay and Michael, I think a call is called for.

            “Slick its Mel.  I’m good how are you?  I know you are honest.  So what’s going on between Brian and Justin?  Michael was nearly hysterical on the phone to Lindsay yesterday and…”

After the call with Slick, I am shocked.  Not only because he’s that Justin Taylor but I remember little things from the weekend and how there would be a tiny smile on Brian’s face when Justin’s name was mentioned.  So despite our history of sniping at each other, I shall do my bit from here.  Everyone deserves a chance at love even Brian Fucking Kinney!

BRITIN

KITCHEN

JUSTIN

He’s been up there for ages now and I think I might just go back to my apartment.  It was so awkward when I went into the bathroom. I mean I had a rough idea but he’s huge!  I’m never going to be able to take that!

“Hey, how are you?”  I didn’t hear him come in and quickly close my pad.  “Fine what about you?  Can I use the shower now?”

He looks sad and nods.  “Yeah, I’m going to do a bit of work. Let me know when you want to go back and I’ll drop you there.”

“Oh okay, I won’t be long.”

I head upstairs and sit on the bed and want to cry as there seems to be a chasm opening between us. So I channel my emotions the other way and flip the pad back open again.

An hour later I feel better and head to the shower. It’s so nice to use his stuff and no matter what happens from this point forward I will always remember his smell.

STUDY

BRIAN

I’ve been staring at the presentation for the last hour and I’ve not done anything with it.  It’s the one that Justin redrew for me and every time I look at it I smile at the memory of the concentration on his face. He pokes his tongue out when he’s really focused and I didn’t realise he’s ambidextrous until then.

Whatever happens after this time, I will always have the pictures he drew of me.

JUSTIN

I tap on the study door and give him a small smile.

“I’m ready.”  He gives me a small smile back.  

“Okay give me a couple of minutes.”

We get to my apartment without saying a word to each other.

JUSTIN’S APARTMENT

SLICK

“Hey guys, sorry for the intrusion but I think I left my…”  I look at them and the tension is like a storm cloud swirling between them.  “Have you two had a row?”

“No, no we haven’t.”  Justin’s voice is small.

“Are you sure because it sure feels like you two have had a row.”

“No Slick, I promise we’ve not had a row.”  Brian’s voice is equally small but more pained.

“Do you think you should you know how to clear the funky air between you?  What the hell has happened?  The last thing I heard was that you were grinding away at Babylon and that you two were spending the day at Britin and now you’re here looking like, well that!”

“We don’t want to talk about it.”  Justin sighs.

“Well clearly not to each other so why not talk to me?”  I prod, there is no way this is ending without me knowing why!  “Just sit the fuck down and tell me!”

“Something happened this morning and we’re both…I don’t know what the word is but…”

“I think the word you’re looking for is horrified.”  Brian mumbles

Justin looks astonished.  “Horrified? Why would I be horrified?”

“I saw your face. You had that look…”

Justin’s face turns from astonishment to puzzlement.  “What look?”

“Okay, stop with the twenty questions and just say what the problem is. I have southern fried chicken to cook and I wanted my dish back.  So out with it! How come you’ve gone from kapow to kerplunk?”

At least that raises a smile.

“He s-saw me naked and…”

“Wait, what do you mean he saw you naked?  You’ve been sharing a bed for the last…”

I look at them again, both are blushing furiously.  “Ah I see.”  I stand up chuckling and collect my dish before heading to the door.

“Uh Brian, you’re a big boy and he’s a virgin.  Enjoy your evening.”

BRIAN

I want to curl up into the tiniest ball on the planet, smaller than an atom, I’m so mortified!  His eyes are glued to the floor and I can feel his embarrassment from here.

“You didn’t feel that large when-when I was giving you…”  He mumbles.  “Now I know why you sleep in boxers...”

“You weren’t looking at my balls?”  I bite my lip and wait for his reaction.

“No, I was just a little stunned that’s all.”  He then frowns.  “Why would I be looking at your balls though?”

“Ball, singular.”  I correct.

“No I definitely saw two of them, but was transfixed by the beauty of your…oh my God is that what the boxers are about?  Brian, I couldn’t even tell the difference!  Please, can you just sit down? I want to show you something.  Please?”

I slowly sit down and he sits opposite and pulls out a pad.  “This is what I saw…and I would really like to see and feel it again but only when you’re ready.  Have a look.  Please?”

I take the pad and turn it over and snort.  “You drew my cock?”

“Yes!  I have a somewhat eidetic memory. Well not as much as it used to be but it’s still there.”

“And my cock looks like that?”

“Yep. Wait… don’t you look when you’re peeing?  How do you know where to aim?”

“I just…”  I trail off.

“Come on, come with me.  You introduced me to my prostate, which you have to do again by the way, so I’m reintroducing you to your cock and balls.”

He tugs at my hand and beams his sunshine smile and I follow him up the stairs.

BEN & MICHAEL’S – LATE EVENING

LOUNGE

MICHAEL

We’ve not spoken since this morning and quite frankly I’m fucking pissed off at him.  Not only did he know about this supposed relationship and not tell me but he’s questioning our relationship.  Why I don’t know!

“What was I wearing to the dinner?”  He suddenly asks.  

I’m thrown by the question.  “What?”

“I said what was I wearing to the dinner?”

“Which one?”  I frown.  “Do you mean the one Emmett ruined?”  I sneer at the memory.

“Ems didn’t…never mind. That's the one.  What was I wearing?”

“A shirt, jeans and no tie. I distinctly remember no tie because…”

“What was Brian wearing?  I liked his shirt.”

“Oh the green one with the tiny black spots. Yeah I was with him when he bought it; cost a fortune… Can’t remember where he got it from though.  And black Gucci jeans and I think Prada boots with his Boss jacket.”

“And you don’t see the difference between your description of my clothes and your description of his?”  He folds his arms and turns to face me.

“No, there’s no difference at all.  They’re just clothes!  Now back to the real source of this argument which is you keeping things from me.  Why didn’t you tell me Ben?”

“Brian’s relationship is Brian’s business to tell. And besides he told everyone that was there at the time, you had stomach upset and then he went to New York.  Also this argument, is not just about clothes as you put it.  It’s about remembering things about me, your partner, and not about Brian.”

“Why shouldn’t I remember things about Brian? He’s my…”

“I know who he is for fuck sake!  Look the simple fact is this: I don’t want to be second in this relationship. It needs to be me then Brian, and do you really think that he’s going to put you over Justin?”

“Of course he will.  You…”

“No, he won’t!  Do you love me Michael? I mean more than Brian?”

“Of course I do. You know that or I wouldn’t be with you.  What’s with all these questions? You are missing the point and that’s that I should have been told and you lied to me.  And by not telling me you lied.”

I cross my arms and glower at him smugly. Now question your way out of that I think to myself.

“But if Brian loved Justin more than you, would you be okay with that?”

I scoff.  “Brian doesn’t do love... well only for a few select friends.”

“And there’s your problem! You can’t see passed the past.”  Sighing he gets up.  “And it’s beginning to affect our future.  Change it before we no longer have one.”